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Experiencing rejection, particularly when it recurs often, is not a great feeling. A publisher is saying no, delivering a clear “No.” Being an author, I am familiar with setbacks. I started pitching story ideas 50 years back, upon college graduation. Since then, I have had two novels declined, along with article pitches and countless essays. During the recent 20 years, focusing on commentary, the denials have multiplied. Regularly, I receive a setback frequently—adding up to in excess of 100 annually. Overall, denials in my profession exceed a thousand. At this point, I could have a PhD in rejection.

So, is this a self-pitying tirade? Far from it. As, at last, at the age of 73, I have accepted being turned down.

By What Means Did I Achieve It?

A bit of background: By this stage, almost every person and others has given me a thumbs-down. I’ve never kept score my success rate—doing so would be deeply dispiriting.

A case in point: not long ago, a newspaper editor turned down 20 articles one after another before accepting one. Back in 2016, over 50 book publishers declined my book idea before a single one accepted it. A few years later, 25 representatives declined a project. A particular editor requested that I send articles less frequently.

The Seven Stages of Setback

Starting out, every no hurt. I felt attacked. It was not just my work being rejected, but who I am.

As soon as a piece was turned down, I would begin the “seven stages of rejection”:

• First, surprise. How could this happen? How could these people be overlook my talent?
• Second, denial. Maybe you’ve rejected the mistake? It has to be an administrative error.
• Then, rejection of the rejection. What can any of you know? Who appointed you to judge on my efforts? You’re stupid and their outlet stinks. I reject your rejection.
• Fourth, anger at them, then frustration with me. Why do I do this to myself? Could I be a glutton for punishment?
• Subsequently, negotiating (preferably seasoned with false hope). What does it require you to acknowledge me as a once-in-a-generation talent?
• Then, despair. I’m no good. Additionally, I’ll never be any good.

I experienced this over many years.

Excellent Company

Certainly, I was in fine company. Stories of creators whose books was originally rejected are numerous. The author of Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Virtually all famous writer was initially spurned. Since they did succeed despite no’s, then maybe I could, too. Michael Jordan was dropped from his high school basketball team. Most American leaders over the recent history had earlier failed in campaigns. The filmmaker claims that his script for Rocky and bid to appear were rejected repeatedly. “I take rejection as a wake-up call to rouse me and persevere, instead of giving up,” he remarked.

The Final Phase

Later, as I reached my 60s and 70s, I achieved the seventh stage of setback. Acceptance. Today, I more clearly see the multiple factors why someone says no. To begin with, an editor may have just published a like work, or have one in the pipeline, or just be thinking about something along the same lines for someone else.

Alternatively, less promisingly, my submission is uninteresting. Or maybe the reader believes I lack the credentials or stature to fit the bill. Perhaps isn’t in the business for the content I am submitting. Maybe was too distracted and read my piece too fast to recognize its value.

Feel free call it an realization. Any work can be turned down, and for any reason, and there is virtually little you can do about it. Certain explanations for rejection are permanently not up to you.

Manageable Factors

Additional reasons are your fault. Honestly, my proposals may occasionally be flawed. They may be irrelevant and impact, or the idea I am struggling to articulate is poorly presented. Alternatively I’m being flagrantly unoriginal. Or an aspect about my punctuation, notably commas, was unacceptable.

The point is that, despite all my decades of effort and setbacks, I have achieved recognized. I’ve published several titles—my first when I was in my fifties, another, a personal story, at older—and more than numerous essays. My writings have featured in newspapers major and minor, in diverse sources. An early piece appeared decades ago—and I have now contributed to many places for five decades.

Yet, no major hits, no book signings publicly, no features on TV programs, no speeches, no honors, no Pulitzers, no Nobel Prize, and no Presidential Medal. But I can more easily accept rejection at this stage, because my, admittedly modest accomplishments have cushioned the stings of my frequent denials. I can now be philosophical about it all at this point.

Instructive Rejection

Setback can be educational, but when you heed what it’s indicating. Or else, you will almost certainly just keep interpreting no’s incorrectly. So what lessons have I acquired?

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